The Effeminate tried

Well, I tried it.  I tried the effeminate and it worked . . .  at the beginning like all the mind games I've played with myself to relieve the boredom and stress of work.  When it was working, for a couple of days, the students responded very well to my increased use of facial expressions.  I would be sincerely interested in whatever nonsense they wished to communicate to me or their class-mates.  My increased use of hands was also evident, at least to me.  I was very expressive.  And the kids responded.  They liked it.  It helped win the students over.  They seemed to feel more comfortable with the effeminate or maybe it was just me feeling more comfortable playing a part. 

A new persona

I was hating the new school year.  Try as I might, I wasn't having fun.  I had two very large non-academic Grade 12 classes, English and Social and I had huge feelings of dread every morning before work.  Then I got to thinking.  All the guys like me have pretty much gotten out of the profession and if they're still in it, few are reaching any positions of leadership.  These guys were once in vogue, quiet guys who wield a large stick tthey rarely use because they're communication skills are generally good.  That is, they listen.  My dad was one of the them as was my father-in-law.  The father-figure is just not in vogue.  It's been replaced replaced by the mother-figure.  To get ahead, men are generally one of two types,  very masculine or very femine.  Of course, with the feminization of the education, the largest number of administrative positions have been filled by women.  In our school district, both the assistant superintendent and the deputy assistant superintendent are female which on its own is neither good or bad but for me, it's bad.  I need a new persona.  I can't be the ass-hole gym teacher so the only alternative is feminization.  

Automatic flush toilets

We just got automatic flush toilets installed in the washrooms throughout the school.  I'm still getting used to them.  I've always been left standing watching the water swirl into oblivion with a wad of shitty toilet paper still in my hand.  It's not until recently that I've discovered the trick.  For men, we have to behave like women.  Unroll toilet paper before standing.  Have a wad in hand and then once standing, you're ready.  Just wipe and release.

I blame myself

I blame myself all the time, even for stuff over which I have absolutely no control.  It's a hazard in teaching and other jobs and everything else in life if the expectations of yourself don't match with the reality of your actions and their actions.  My problem is that not only do I think that I should be able control my own behaviour but I should also be able to predict and anticipate the actions of others.  In particular, I blame myself for not anticipating malicious competition that may be a fact of life in business or politics but which I had not expected to find in education.  I figured that because we all get paid the same no matter what we do or don't do on the job or in the way of extra-curricular, we'd all just relax and help each other out and behave like a team rather than a bunch of individuals and yet, irony wins out. It would seem that if people can't compete based on objective determiners such as income, sales, projects completed, votes, safety records then they must find some other method of demonstrating their superiority over the herd, something more personal and malicious like gossip and put-downs and subject area superiority. 

The trap

Unfortunately, all jobs can be traps.  After all, we must all earn a living, put a roof over our head, and feed ourselves and the family.  Then there's all the goodies that can be purchased with that money like the computer I'm using and the music I'm listening to and the ipod it's stored and the television I watch and, most importantly, the trips I take and have taken with my family to exotic locals all over the world.  That would never happen without my job.   I'm getting old, nearing retirement and if I were to pursue a different line of work, my pension would be gone.  I'd get the principle but all that other stuff that's supposed to maintain me in my old age and pay for more trips and more music and T.V. would be gone.  My school division isn't going to promote vertically or laterally 'cause . .  . well, I really don't know.  Trapped.

Changes

One can be bitter for only so long and so the point of the blog.  Fun.  I had to get into the moment.  I had to let go of my anger and all the so-called injustices of life and get on with it.  I hate my job but it's my job so I might as well deal with it.  I take charge of my classes.  I focus on what I want them to learn.  I respond to their stupidities.  I laugh at their lame jokes.  In short, I get myself out of my funk.  The teacher next door comes into my room.  Starts yelling at some kids in their desks at the back.  Now, these aren't young kids.  They're 17 and 18 years of age.  I'd been out checking on some students in the computer lab and, when I'd returned dealt with some characters horsing around at the back.  I told them to move forward and this was just before Mr. Fraser came marching through the door.  Now, I'm angry.   Young upstart.

It's a lot of work

      I am teaching three blocks out of four four this semester.  For all the other teachers in my school, this would be an easy semester, the semester when they have a spare.  For me, it's exactly the opposite.  I'm the guidance counsellor and so I've spent the majority of my career not teaching, sitting in my office talking to students and parents as individuals or in small groups.  To be on stage for 250 minutes a day is too much stress.  I always feel on the edge of control and I can't stand the disrespect.   It doesn't help to only teach non-academic students.  It's because you're good at it, I'm told.  Sure, they can be good but they can also be very, very bad.  And yet, I know I can't hate them.  As soon as they feel hated, they get worse.  In point of fact, you've lost them.  So, I have to suck in their disrespect and their contempt for learning and all that I believe is important in the world.
     Today, I let  Grade 12 students  leave at the end of the day if they'd completed all the work I'd assigned since the beginning of the year.  I needed to give the slower students a chance to catch up without assigning more work to keep everyone else busy.  Naturally, they all wanted to leave and whined incessantly if they couldn't.  Unfortunately, they were not at a level of maturity to realize that school is meant as a place for learning, not prison.  It doesn't help that they are not academic students so learning does not come easy for them so they're not going to want to do it.  Still, there's no reason they couldn't see the logic of my actions.  They should be able to realize that I'm trying to help them, not punish.  Eventually, practically every student that I've taught has come to realize the sincerity of my actions.  It's the beginning of the school year that I always find so stressful when they're testing, testing, testing.  And now, I have to teach more than ever.  It makes me dread going to work in the morning.

Cassandra's Dream

            In “Cassandra’s Dream,” written and directed by Woody Allan, two brothers become equally desperate for money.  One has gambled himself into thousands of pounds of debt to the mob.  The other yearns for the life of a big time hotel magnate, the owner of luxury vehicles and palatial home with a beautiful woman on his arm.  He finds the girl, an actress performing at a small dinner theatre and investors in hotel properties who have offered him a partnership.  Now, all he needs is the cash. 
            The boys find a source in their wealthy uncle, plastic surgeon living in Los Angeles who will gladly give the boys their much needed cash if they will eliminate a problem whose testimony about some charitable accounts will land him in jail.  The boys reluctantly agree.   Of course, it all turns out badly.  No one kills in fiction without consequences.  However, it got me thinking.  What would I do if given the opportunity to have all my financial worries ended with the murder of a complete stranger.  How bad would it have to be?   

Rational thinking 101

Memo from my assistant principal:
"Teachers who permit this behaviour usually argue that gum chewing is a minor issue and there are more important things worthy of concern.  In fact, gum chewing isn't the issue at all.  The issue is whether or not teachers understand how to work as members of a professional collegial team.  The difference becomes clear upon closer examination of the issue.  When gum chewing is disallowed across a school environment, it's because the staff made a decision to eliminate this nuisance behavour by consistently enforcing a ban.  This decision was approved by the principal and written into the school rules.  Then, one or two teachers arbitrarily decide to do their own thing and allow their students to chew gum.  By doing so, they ensure that a behaviour which was supposed to be a non-issue throughout the school is now going to be an issue in everyone's classroom but theirs, thereby deliberately sabotaging the efforts of their colleagues.  In addition, the model for the students in their classes deliberate defiance of school rules and over disrespect for authority.  This isn't called gum chewing; it's called UNPROFESSIONAL CONDUCT."


Real Discipline by Ron Morrish